I L Caragiale: “There is nothing in the world that could convince me to leave this foreign life corner (Berlin) and come back in my country (Romania). To see again what I‘ve seen, to suffer again for what I’ve suffered, the same faces, the same fossils leading the public life, poisoning our souls with their stupid and suspicious looks, the same jurors intentionally losing lawsuits or giving unfair verdicts.
No my dear friend, no. I’ve exiled myself and that’s all. I like this place, I am content with my family and I think I do not belong anymore to a country where flattery and theft are virtues and work and talent are worthy of pity.”
I don’t know how I should begin this article. It’s almost 1 year since I’ve decided to study in UK. So I live in UK most of the time. And I like it very much. There are things that I hardly accommodate, but it’s good for me to live here, I know this is the best choice for me and my son, but I feel I am tired, Romania has consumed all my energy, all my aspirations and desires. Maybe I am getting old, although I feel I can do many things. I am an enthusiastic person, with many ideas and initiative. But I feel I have no chance in Romania, neither my son nor you, who read this article, who live in Romania or the next generations. It is the same as for the last generations. I am content of what I’ve realized materially, I complain I am not motivated of staying in Romania, I feel I do not belong to that place anymore. I was optimistic regarding the future of Romania, I didn’t leave the country during communism and Ceausescu regime probably because of my youth, but I admired my cousin decision of leaving the country. After Revolution I hoped in good, in a change. And it has been a change: the stores, the advertisements, we have a passport but we have been fooled.
the first awareness of living in a sick system
I was privileged in my childhood to live in Constanta, a city with European connections being a seaport at the Black Sea. I had blue jeans, Radio Vacanta, good music vinyl (Queen, Pink Floyd, Diana Ross etc), Spearmint chewing gum (I used to chew it all day long), I had good peaches almost as big as melons, they were from Medgidia orchards and sent to foreign countries. I had Histria and Adamclisi forts, Constanta mosaic. Many places and things I will never forget, they have a special place in my soul, but there are things from my past. I moved in Bucharest, where, for the first time, I felt that the education system is more efficient and rigorous comparing with the other cities. I finished the high school and I was admitted to a Faculty. In that period I had many discussions in contradiction especially with my father, regarding the society and those who had a diploma. From my point of view it was useless to have a diploma, to be a University teacher (he was University lecturer) if you do not have a good salary and enough money to spend and always the same problem: how to spend money efficiently during one month until the next salary. Now I realize that, in my mind, I knew in that period we were living in a sick system, but it hadn’t come the Revolution yet.
When the Revolution came, I didn’t want to leave the country anymore, I started working and I earned money, I finished my studies, I gave birth to a child and I continued to live in a daily routine. But I noticed what was happening around. Firstly, we changed the dictatorial communism with a communism with human face, when the former policemen and the secret agents of the Communist State succeeded in taking everything and controlling all the country. Then Constantinescu came as President, nothing happened, the Politicians were the same, changing only the Party, only a few new faces, but those were were educated by them, in the same political principles. In that moment I realized that Romania had no chance. Those people who died in ’89, they died for nothing, or let’s say for a passport and advertising. In that moment I realized that the future of my son will not be here, but in a society where the real values are appreciated. And he started to study intensively in order to be able to go and study abroad, our option: UK.
I haven’t thought a moment that I could go abroad; I had plans only for my son. I continued to live in my daily routine, visiting my son in the UK two times a year. But two years ago, I felt I couldn’t continue in that way anymore. Firstly, the main reason was from my personal life, my son was in the UK, far away from me, my ex-husband had disappointed me having a relationship with a former family friend, probably a secret agent (you have details in other articles of mine) and professionally I had two problems, a great name and an unsaturated pelican I had tried to get rid of decently. I managed the first one well enough; the last one is still a problem for me.
Another important reason was the Romanian system, with all its miseries – they had a great impact over me as human being and my life too. And I said to myself it’s time to try something else, it’s not too late. I thought that my son was in the UK, and I told him “ go and don’t look back” . My problem with the system and the fact that nothing good would happen was very serious. And I decided to go. I left Romania because I don’t like hypocrisy, lie, mockery, manipulation, theft, bureaucracy, political prostitution, corruption from the lowest to highest levels, I felt I would always be useless in Romania with no chance of rising up.
And here it is not about me, it is about all of us whose votes are useless, whose shouts are not heard, we, who work and pay taxes to cover the holes in the state budget because the rich ones spend the state money; we, who pay the National Television subscription two times (in case you have a company registered at your domicile address); we, who have enough of Capatos, Maruta and Wowbiz (TV shows); we, who pay health insurances but we don’t have a good health system; we, who pay for the pension system although we don’t know certainly if we’ll have the power of living until retirement or the State will have money to pay our pensions; we, who lose a lot of time until we get an official paper from the State Institutions, tolerating endless queues even for paying taxes. We, the so called Satanists because we listen rock music; we, who don’t have expensive bags; we, who are looking for a quite restaurant where we don’t find assholes around us; we, who don’t eat seeds on the beach and throw the garbage at the garbage can; we, who try to pay our employees better, but the system forces us to pay them other advantages (for example private insurances); we, who don’t understand how Croatia could have built 5000 km highways in 5 years and we couldn’t; we, who want a good education system for our children; we, who want news about our International Olympics not about whores. We, who want a country where the good and real values are on the first place not the counterfeit values.
I think this list has no end. We have other problems created by the system, all of us. We accept to give money or gifts to people who work at the State wickets, in order to solve our problems faster and to give us a document, etc.; we accept services without bills, we try to manage and sincerely I have a problem with this because the State encourages the robbery but in the same time I think: why should people pay taxes, to have the politicians more money to steal from the State budget? And in this way it appears a vicious circle from which we will never get out.
Congratulations Cabral! I read your article; sincerely I was surprised because what you have written there could bring you many dislikes and repercussions. For me it is different. Nobody knows me, only those who read this blog, I am one of those from the category “dogs bark, but the caravan goes on”.
In this moment I feel it is too much, I feel that we, the Romanians, are not able to do anything. I say that with all my conviction and I give some examples from the history of the Romanian people who exiled its values: I.L.Caragiale, Constantin Brancusi, Emil Cioran, Nicolae Balcescu, Henri Coanda, Nina Cassian, Mircea Eliade and the list could continue, it is long. From my point of view the Olympics should go where their work is appreciated and their value is recognized. Not in this country where only due to the Facebook and its articles people know about them, not from media or newspapers. Only the lack of education is promoted in this country. But to whom does the fault belong? However those TV emissions and shows have audience, who is watching those stupid shows ? What are we talking about? An Olympic at mathematics was in that night, in Colectiv, he is still in hospital. Has anybody known him until that tragedy? I don’t think so.
It is not easy, not at all, to go abroad. But instead of living in an immoral and corrupt country, with no chance of normality in future for the next generations, it is better to live in a country where the human value has value. In our country the word “value” is degraded due to gypsies and their low quality songs (manele).
Why am I sorry for leaving Romania? Because I have a few friends, they appreciate me, they sustain me, true friends. I am sorry that my mother is too old for leaving that place, she couldn’t do it, anyway we have totally different opinions, but I try hardly to accept her as she is. Probably she will visit us. I miss my visits at “Pretty Banana” for manicure, I miss the massage, I miss my little pretty goddaughter, I would like to see her face to face and play with her. I miss my little dog and I can’t take it with me right now.
You will say that if most of us go abroad, what will happen in Romania? And if we stay here, what could we change? We don’t have any power, nobody listens us, nobody is interested in what we are doing or saying, And I don’t speak only about me, I speak about all of us, we who are not in the Government or Parliament or in a political party. Although we are many and we try to shout our problems and sufferings they jam the signal and turn on the “mute“ button.
The most hurting thing from everything I have written here is that what I miss from Romania represents only about 5 % (very important) comparing with the reasons for which I live in UK, and that 5% could be minimized using internet, Skype, phone and nobody knows , maybe in future we’ll be together again.